Last night I made a discovery in my journal. I realised a lot of things, mainly why I’ve felt a lot of resistance to creativity….2015 has been the year I’ve done a lot of, what some people call, ‘shadow work’.
Essentially I’ve spent more time looking at areas within myself that play a part in holding myself back, even sabotaging myself & my creative endeavours. The main reason why I’ve been doing this is as a reaction to the fact that they have been popping up all on their own – Jenny the Procrastinator, Jenny the Fed-up, Jenny the Fearful, Jenny the Lazy, Jenny the Angry, Jenny the had a Bloody Nuff - they’ve all been tea-guests recently! And I’ve learnt, thanks to a lot of journaling, that if you don’t compassionately identify with all of these (so-called) ‘ugly’ parts of yourself when they arise, then they will still arise, just not as your allies!
|Jenny the Sullen|
We tend to look at these areas of ourselves as problematic, or even as the problem – for example ‘oh if only Jenny the Procrastinator would get out of the bloody way I could just get on and do this project’. But really, out of cause and effect these ‘shadow’ sides are never the cause, they are the effect; they are the by product, the response our personalities have to whatever the problem actually is. Think about it, there are thousands of reasons why we procrastinate – worry over what others will think, worry over whether we are good enough to fulfil our vision, fear of failure, fear of success and on and on it goes. Procrastination is not the problem (though it may feel like it at the time), it is the response to all the other problems (real or imagined) that are popping up around our projects.
So getting to know my shadow sides has been the biggest project I have really done this year, and when I consider all the other projects I intended to do but am very behind on, my discovery last night that this is what I’ve actually been doing (& not just ‘flapping around’ as previously thought) makes a lot of things clearer, and easier! I now have a foothold, an understanding, a way to move forward.
|tonights page - done by Jenny the Lazy|
So if you've had the 'wading the treacle' feeling as I often call it (aka the 'I'm trying so hard and getting nowhere' feeling) recently yourself and want a journaling exercise to do this weekend that may just be illuminating ask yourself, & do some art around, these things:
What areas of yourself have you may be looked at as problematic, or tried to hide behind the ‘good' parts, or ignored completely?
And if you were to look at it differently & see it as an effect instead of a problem what might it actually be handing you a golden torch to look into?
If you're brave enough look into this I'd love to hear your findings below, feel free to share
& have a happy journaling abundant weekend
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