Seeing Through Mud via Inner Critic Work

Arrrh weekly ramble post, I have been dreading you so much, not because I don't want to write about what I have been doing, it's just that every time I try to pinpoint what that actually is I lose the words.

And that kind of sums up my week...except it is not just words I've lost. I feel I have been confused and conflicted over a lot of things (...or perhaps everything...I am even confused on that!), but if I try and put any of that into words right now, again I lose them. 

But among these trying to see through mud feelings I have gained a lot too. I think it would be impossible not to, because they became work, and all work brings results of some kind...

The work was surprising, and it brought surprising results. Because I could not see through the mud on things I wanted to look at (or perhaps they were just things I am normally used to looking at), I ended up looking elsewhere and as a result found clarity on things I often do not see at all.

Insight after insight came to me. 

I have not had a week like this week in a long time. I feel like I am always growing, and learning, and developing, but even then with all of that routines occur, and major new insights can be few and far between.

The insights that occurred I can share I suppose, because they are the clear things I have right now, but it took me the mud of the rest of this writing to once again be brought to them, remember them. I could not have just started from this point at the beginning of this blogpost, there was too much cloudy confusion, so once again work had to be done to bring me here. But that is just another lesson I have learnt while actually writing this blogpost - even when you think you have lost the words just some talking (or in this case writing) from that very place, however muddy, will always bring you some clarity (even if that clarity is the acknowledgement that you are confused!... At least you will know it and have somewhere to start)

So my first main insight was about my daily journaling practice, which I have previously mentioned in this ramble HERE. Things have been happening in that practice that man, has opened up worlds for me. But until this week my inner critic would have a bit of a field day, telling me that this practice was: 

'a waste of time!'

'How many other useful things could you be doing instead? 

'And DAILY, wow you really are indulgent of a whim aren't you?'

I can't always understand or hear what my inner critic is saying, I again find I cannot locate the words of it, often it's just the feeling, but this is something my daily journaling practice has helped me pinpoint and understand.

So I've had huuuuuuuuge glorious insights on the side of my inner critic, which is useful, as that is what a large part of my 21 Secrets Lesson is going to be based on. 

I've also learnt that any work I do on anything is important for my artwork, or developing myself as an artist - which is another stumbling block my inner critic would try and sneak in my path, telling me that again I 'wasn't doing anything important' - but as the above point (of work on my inner critic being useful for my lesson) proves, it is all-all-always important. Every clump of mud you have to look around, disintegrate, wash away etc is useful. Obstacles and interests are in our paths for the very reason to work with them, and enjoy the results.

This week I have really enjoyed my results....and my confusion.

Thank you for reading my ramble, and I am sorry that it really is living up to the title of 'ramble' more than ever before, but this is where my head is at, and that is exactly what the weekly ramble blogposts are supposed to be about, me mid-flow of projects, figuring things out and posting myself and my work, unpolished.

PS if you could help me out by letting me know what your inner critic says to you I would be hugely grateful, I have posted a discussion on Journal Workshops that can be found here & I would love it if you can participate =) mwah