Monday 12 September 2016

Remembering My Creativity: A Personal Share About 2016

I've spent the last couple of hours searching old sd cards of my creations for an art project I'm doing. It was a bizarre feeling to look through these teeny tiny things that hold the entire history of my connection to my muse. 

It left me very reflective over many things I've been dealing with this year, a battle (or perhaps several battles in a larger war) that has been raging between my creativity and I. (I also stumbled across some pictures of a half naked ex boyfriend which I suppose didn't help my mood either lol). 

You see I've had a tough year emotionally. I've had a lot of gremlins come up internally and some hard changes externally. 

I cannot always lay my finger on what has been wrong but this year unlike any other before my creativity has not always been there for me, in fact some times it has been the source of my pain. It is really scary to share this, because I have always been an advocate for using your creativity to process tough emotions, never to use it to be the cause of them!

It is wrong to say my creativity has not always been there for me in the sense that I 'lost it' because that's not the case, it's just some times I've just not wanted to access my creativity because of how I'm feeling about it. 

It's a new level of understanding this complex relationship that seems to hold more layers and nuisances than any person-to-person relationship I've ever had.  

Looking through the sd cards today I saw times when I had no clue what my creativity and I were doing together, but we did it anyway. I saw times when I knew exactly what I was doing and still got surprised by the outcome. I saw times when I did not think I was showing up at all but my creativity still took itself for a spin anyway. 

I saw a really thick and rich history, and it was gorgeous to remember it all, first mentally, then emotionally and then through my hands with this RAW Intuitive Journal page:

RAW Intuitive Journaling is all about connecting with your creativity through your intuition and a useful tool for process emotions through art. I have a class on this which you can find out more about it on my art community here:

(or if you're not a member of my community site you can read about it on Etsy here:

In doing this RAW page I was reminded that I know this thing that is creativity, I know it, well. I actually know thousands of techniques and sooooo many processes. I can run rings around any magician for tricks up their sleeve.

It's kinda hard to see the layers via these pictures but through the surfaces of quickened scribbles and scraped on gesso I focused on what it was that I was really feeling and was ready to write with my paint markers.

The words on the page say

I'm beyond where I thought I was
And I'm wondering where to take that.
What's coming is kinda sorta amazing.
And it'll teach me right for forgetting to be amazed.

There's also something in there about getting my confidence back, so I guess what I'm really happy to say is...I finally think I see the bright colours of my creativity through the thick fog of emotions again! 

And on top of that understand what this new twist to my relationship has taught me (for one thing: to remember to be amazed!). 

I remembered that when I want to meet my creativity it is never as hard as I've been making it out to be. In fact it's easy, because... well I know it, 
I know it well

I hope if you ever are at this juncture of your relationship with creativity you'll remember this too. What helped me get here is following the steps I shared in this article I recently wrote about 'Dealing with Creative Demotivation'.

Thanks for reading
Love, an artist who just re-remembered her creativity


  1. What a powerful post, Jennibellie. I often wonder about the painful aspects of creativity, especially at certain junctures. This, as always, was beautifully written and inspiring. May you always always find your sunshine!

  2. I have hit a creativity brick wall. It's like my mojo is being blocked. We all have those triggers that either set our creativity afire and you can't stop us or those triggers that shut us down from what we crave to do... Create... My trigger is a bad day dealing with my illnesses. I can't seem to create anything when my body says " I'm turning on you and will make you feel like crap, stealing everything good from you" I try and fight... As you would be able to see the many abandoned projects that I was so eager and excited to do but yet there they are as half assed reminders that I'm not ok, but I'm trying so hard and I'll keep fighting even if it means my house looks like thrift store of castaway projects, once loved but now forgotten. I see those projects as me trying to overcome what you're talking about... That I do have it in me somewhere... Why can't I just get to it? Why can't I just push through this pain? This block that controls so much of me? Why? I can't wrap my head around why I can't do the things that brought so much joy to my life and others? Ughhhh anywho, great post. I feel every bit of you!!!

  3. My 18 year old daughter, my only child, Caroline died last November and my creativity has literally died as well. My desire to write,to draw, to journal has dried up in a perspective of a future in which Carrie has no part. I have read that this is common for bereaved people especially parents whose child dies. I wait hopefully that one day I might wake up and see a future with beauty in it but at the moment all I see is greyness and a dark, cold river bed on a dark cold November night. Yours in Art, Chris Everest. Sheffield. England

    1. I can't imagine a worst thing than losing a child and wish I could do something for you... The best thing you can do for yourself is getting some help from a professional you are comfortable with because what you are living now is a depression. Hence your block. And it is totally understandable. With some help and a some time, hopefully something will come back.
      I am sorry if I answered your comment but I read what you said and could not not answer. I will pray for you.

  4. Chris your art now would not be cheery skies and flowers but maybe you could create from where you are at now.... 'greyness and a dark cold river bed on a dark cold November night' looks like a great place to start.... Maybe your art is just different now.... and thats okay..... Hugs! deb


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