This is my second daily blog behind the scenes post, you can view yesterdays here. I'm summing up what I've been up to lately all in one week! (Yep, it's a mission! lol)
In this post I'm going to pretty much sum up my entire year.
A couple of days ago I received a message from Connie the creator of 21 Secrets, letting me know that the class I contributed to last year is retiring. This got me to thinking, I thought about all the projects I did last year, including this one. Then I thought of all I've done this year, while still a lot it has definitely been a retiring year for me, and my creativity.
A few months ago, perhaps even a few weeks ago, I would have said I would be ready for 2016 to be over.
Not much had gone my way, my creativity while I wouldn't use the used 'blocked' was certainly lacking. Inner critics dug their claws in early on, replacing my usual creative angels and muses. To someone who has been used to creativity being a faithful companion for years now (with a few little hiccups occasionally along the way) it is quite a heavy loss to feel! I also lost some family members, one of whom I loved beyond description, and I cannot even type this now without tears taking over (while I am through deliberate intention a happy person and I celebrate his life more than his death I still get caught unawares but my emotions welling up like this and sticking in somewhere around my throat). I have felt stuck and uncertain as to where my future lay, a feeling that soon becomes overwhelming and chocking all in it's own right.
|journal page from one of the....well you can guess what kind of day!|
So yes, not long ago I'd have told you to 'take it away' if you'd have brought 2016 up to me (in an 'off with it's head' Queen of Hearts tone)
Now though, as I shared in yesterdays post, things are changing. Creativity has returned. Clarity is everywhere. Passion is back. The murkiness has lifted as I stopped focusing on the obscurity of 'the future' and decided to concentrate on now. Want do I want now? A new studio*? Sure! To create a new class? Righto, let's go! Some of that gorgeous chocolate cake? Oh just one piece then! Find the right biz coach? Oh err, okay! To plan an adventure? Lemme get my planner! To create some new DIY embellishments? Whoop whoop! A cuddle with my bum bum**? Come 'ere boy *smooshies*!
I now don't want this year to end!
I feel there's so much I still want to do! I stopped being wrapped up in what had gone wrong (which just continues the spiral) and took notice of what great things are happening now.
I'm sharing this because at some points this year I really was at a loss, really was at my lowest, but I feel better now and wanted to share how I did it.
Things are still as uncertain for me as they were before...
but what has shifted is my attitude towards that. In truth aren't things always uncertain. Isn't certainty just an illusion we make up? Something we pretend is there to feel safe, but something that doesn't really exist. I think many people have felt their illusions shift with the political shocks this year. I felt it with Brexit. The world as a whole appears to be feeling it with the US Presidental Election results. What I noticed though is that after this year, a year of personal uncertainty, the mass uncertainty could not keep me in fear for very long - not even for a few minutes.
Things are uncertain right now. Things will always be uncertain. My job is to be okay in spite of this, in spite of whatever is going on in my life, or in the world at large.
Tears may well in my eyes at times but I stay in my knowing that all is well. I stay certain, because it is not the job of the world to do that for me. Our emotions, our lives, our achievements and our desires are our own responsibility.
And as this year retires I thank all the uncertainty that presented itself in my life for teaching me how to stay certain;
how to create, and live in, my own stability.
* more on my new studio in tomorrow's post!
** my Sweepie-pie-bum-delicious -
As the 21 Secrets 2015 Classes are retiring this is the last chance to get some amazing classes from some of the best mixed media artists around (yep, including my humble self lol)
For 21 Secrets Spring click here
For 21 Secrets Fall click here
If you use the code 'RETIRE' you will get $30 off!